herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
