he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
