I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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