So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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