i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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