Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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