I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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