this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
