Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
