what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
