Dual....:-)
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
