You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
