The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
