Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
