Plan B is the new Plan A
oh god the rape fog is back!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
