I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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