About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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