Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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