you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
