Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
