She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
