I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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