I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
