Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
