end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
