I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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