You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
