last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
