Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
