Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
