Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
