I wish i was in the wii world.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
