Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
