Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
