My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
