He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
