so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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