i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
