is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
