singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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