So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
