apparently the secret to your success is patron
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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