i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
