Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
