in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
