Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
