So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
