Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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