Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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