Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
