I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
