So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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