once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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