he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
